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The Art of Sexual Surrender

The Art of Sexual Surrender

  As men, we tend to feel Love’s force most strongly when we deeply open to our partners in sex. When we come into union with our partners, our hearts open.  Yes, we are more vulnerable, but there is another energy that can overshadow any fears we have about that. It is the energy of Love.  What we are all seeking. The little boy in us wants to know Love in a way that perhaps we never have before.  Or we want to recreate a moment we once had that has been challenging to conjure back. There are many ways to invite Love into our lives and today, I want to share with you a practice around this so that you can really live this and have better sex and deeper intimacy. If you are on the personal development path at all and have inquired or worked on yourself, you know that men expand when in service to the Feminine.  Maybe you haven’t heard it in quite those terms.  The truth is that we are always looking for ways to please our women.  And from this place is where we actually  open.  This is the path to conscious and intimate sex. Underneath our bravado, conditioning, and fears, we want to FULLY be seen and received.  And for this to happen, your lover has to feel safe and open. This then becomes a reciprocal relationship.  She (and you can swap out he for same sex relationships) is asking you to penetrate her heart.  And she is also asking you to open into her.  There are many things that need to be in... read more
Sex Or No Sex

Sex Or No Sex

Sex is the most powerful force of nature; it has the potential to liberate when used consciously. Sex is natural, it is the foundation and starting point of our lives. Sex is beautiful, it creates life, it can create intimacy, it can bring ecstasy and elation. It improves your overall health. Your sexual energy helps you to bring life to a project, it inspires everyone, it is fodder for artists and poets alike. But on the other shore of men’s sex, is a terribly sordid history. Sex can prompt one into manipulation; for many it is filled confusion and fear. So many of us make it more difficult than it needs to be. Here are a few tips for you guys to consider in your sex life. Use these tips as a way to create more intimacy and go deeper in your love connection, to break out of the boredom rut that many couples fall into. This is an opportunity to begin shifting your thinking and release old unnecessary beliefs around sex. Slow down– slowing your sex down is probably one of the best ways to improve your lovemaking. Slow down your kissing, slow down your hand movements, and especially slow down the whole process. You don’t need to speed right to intercourse! No Goal- release your need to give her an orgasm. Having a goal in mind just keeps you in your head rather than your heart. Stay more present in the act by releasing your goal to give orgasm. No Sex, sex- try making love with your partner without having intercourse or oral sex. I have done this for a... read more
An Apology To Women

An Apology To Women

Featured in The Good Men Project
I have acted poorly towards women at points in my life. I have objectified women, making rude comments, especially when in groups of other men. This brings up shame as well as an understanding that this is what I was taught as “normal” and…

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The Poison Of Shame

The Poison Of Shame

Part of our masculine programming is stoicism; we don’t often reveal resentment, shame and self judgment. We are ashamed of the ways we acted in past relationships, and we harshly judge ourselves for not achieving the goals we think we should have. We carry resentments for bad decisions, and deem ourselves as unworthy to be successful. When this shame and resentment go unnoticed over a length of time, it can wreak havoc inside of us. Shame and resentment is probably one of the most, if not the most, uncomfortable and debilitating feelings we can carry. One of our biggest challenges is in “recognizing” that shame, guilt and resentment are at play within us. Often, unresolved feelings that have been repressed and unprocessed can show up as unhealthy habits. Habits can show up more overtly — like abuse of drugs or alcohol — or in seemingly more covert habits, such as consistently showing up late for work, which results in an old story of being fired from every job we’ve had. Unhealthy habits can show up in so many ways; an angry outburst that sometimes results in violence against women or children. It can show up as shutting down, saying “no” to everyone or trying to please everyone, not keeping our word, or blaming others. Being unconscious, unaware, or ignorant of habits is the single biggest challenge we face. We must have enough courage to invite others to lovingly and gently point out our unhealthy habits or we must be willing to have radical self-honesty. A man becomes uptight when his wife points out where he didn’t keep his word.... read more
Men’s Anger Unleashed On Women

Men’s Anger Unleashed On Women

What a powerful two weeks it has been. I just arrived back home back from a short teaching tour at a couple truly wonderful transformational festivals. I am so grateful to be able to offer the work that I do, the reward is almost instantaneously received through the heart opening feedback I get from participants. At one of the festivals I had a particularly powerful moment i’d like to share. I was leading a process in which men are asked to confront any core fears that are coming up in their lives. We had a moment for the men to share. One of the men immediately raised his hand, he said he had never talked about this with anyone but felt safe in the group of men. Tears came to his eyes as he struggled in his sharing that he is so grateful to be in this circle of men, without really knowing why he came to the festival, other than an impulse to go upon hearing about it (he had no idea what the festival was about).  As soon as he parked his car and entered the festival he happened to walk by me, I said hello and casually invited him to join in the men’s workshop. The man then shared “my main fear right now is my anger”, “I’m afraid of my own anger. He said that the prior weekend he gotten into a nasty verbal fight with his wife and unleashed his uncensored anger, verbally assaulting her. He shared that what he had said to her was so hurtful, that she had almost killed herself later in the evening. He quietly shared about his overload of shame and... read more
How To Be “The Man” In Relationship

How To Be “The Man” In Relationship

Men tend to fall into two general camps in how they relate in relationship; one way is the more needy or attention wanting man and the other way is, the more unavailable or aloof kind of guy. Yes, I am referring to the more unhealthy qualities that we men play out. We all have some unhealthy or challenging ways we act that require attention, nothing to be ashamed of here. Relationship is an opportunity to grow, mature and up-level oneself. Most men that I know or work with, have one thing in common; we want to be “the man” in our intimate relationships, (let’s get this straight, being the man is a good thing). We want to feel respected and honored; we want to feel ourselves as the masculine protector, lover and as provider for our family. I am not referring to being a controlling, overly tough macho guy, quite the opposite. I am referring to a mature version of being “the man”. The important thing to remember here is, for a man to feel like he is “the man” he must take responsibility for this. It is not the woman’s job to make a man feel his confidence, it is up to us guys! Yes, it is quite common that a woman can carry a lot of masculine energy in relationship. When a woman exhibits strong masculine traits, and a man is trying to stay strong in his masculine, power struggles can ensue. As we know, more women in these modern times feel they must navigate this male dominated world, relying on masculine qualities to survive. But most... read more
Sugar Affects Sex Drive Level

Sugar Affects Sex Drive Level

Sugar, oh how we love sugar. I love sugar! One of most addictive substances in the world, and it wreaks such havoc in body. Its pushed and peddled by big evil soft drink empires, pouring it down the throats of the masses to feed their bank accounts. For men concerned with lower testosterone levels (losing hair is a serious concern for many men), according to some research, testosterone levels decrease after eating sugar (when insulin levels increase). Sugar can decrease sex drive, put unwanted pounds on, which can compromise testosterone levels. Another HUGE issue is that sugar is the fuel that feeds parasites and candida, this is an epidemic of which most people do not know they have. Sugar may be a big part of cancer survival rates, sugar feeds viruses and bacteria (WOW sounds horrible huh) which can spiral into an array of serious health conditions. When we eat sugar it clouds our mind, makes us fat, is hard on our liver (fructose sugar) and can damage your heart. I have seen many men’s life change, by giving up the habit of sugar as their go to for pleasure. Less sugar = more energy, more vitality and can also lead to being a healthier eater overall.   Alright, so what to do?   Deal with the underlying causes for sugars addiction. Begin investigating through your own research based on your symptoms, find a naturopath or other healer that has a great reputation. Join with a friend to go on a 21 day sugar-free challenge. Eat fermented foods. Reach for some fruit (lower sugar, like blueberries). Eat organic and... read more

Sexual Confidence

Some men have a natural self-confidence, but many men I know and coach have to consciously work at increasing self-confidence. I would venture to say that most men lack true authentic confidence, having suffered from this for years I know the pain it can cause. This is why I am passionate about helping men with this. Confidence comes in many colors and flavors. One way to confidence is through gaining competence and mastering a skill, i.e if you are a carpenter and you work for years gaining skill and receiving accolades, you will most like feel confident in your work. Another confidence is based on self-esteem. This confidence is a sense that you can handle what is going around you in life, that you have intrinsic value as a person, that others see beauty and value in you. For men there is another kind of confidence, masculine confidence. Masculine confidence is a strong sense of self-worth within the context of masculine qualities like strength, integrity, power, projective energy (cock power) etc..  Masculine confidence is a self-esteem that says “I am a strong man”, “I can provide for and protect my family”. Another greatly important aspect of masculine confidence is the “I can sexually please my woman” confidence. When you feel you are not sexually pleasing your partner, your masculine confidence can come crashing down, which can create a domino effect of challenges. In my clients I have seen challenges like erectile issues and fear of having sex, which further diminishes confidence. When you lack masculine confidence, it decreases your ability to hold space for your woman to be in her natural expression of being woman, with all... read more
7 Ways For Men’s Sexual Potency

7 Ways For Men’s Sexual Potency

It is very difficult to be in your authentic masculine power when your body is under attack everyday. Our ability to maintain healthy weight, sexual potency, and masculine confidence is greatly limited by many factors. These limiting factors include chemicals in our water and food (man, xenoestrogens are horrible don’t get me started), Cortisol overdose from ongoing stress, fear and anxiety to name just a few. Common issues from ignoring this is Obesity, Heart disease, Depression, Diabetes, Erectile Dysfunction, and the list goes on. There are ways to work with this. Organic foods as fresh from the farm as possible. (lots of raw foods) Mountain spring water (NOT IN PLASTIC- this is where the xenostrogens come in). Lots of exercise, yoga, tai chi, cardio. Personal/spiritual development work. Loving friendships Touching the earth everyday for at least 20 mins. Brain activities to up level intelligence.   I have lots more but this is a GREAT start. Guys if you are ready to live an empowered, happy life, schedule a time for us to talk asap.   ... read more

Why Men Choose The Wounded Guy Story Over Love

Do You Choose Your Wounded Guy or Your Loving Guy? I have seen my own habits in how I choose to relate to life. I have seen when I choose to be in my wounded guy story or when I practice choosing love. When I do choose love, it is usually when I have awareness that I am going into an old habit AND I pull out a practice.  The story of victim is something I see in so many men, the path of the wounded man is such a tricky & sticky habit. BUT, we can choose to shift our mind state and relate to ourselves and others from a healthy loving state of being. It takes time to stabilize a practice, but it can and does work, as I have shifted this in my own life. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that being in our wounding story is “bad”, it is just a lot more painful. I am talking about making a choice in the moment to avoid suffering for ourself and others. Click below to watch my... read more

How To Be More Vulnerable With Your Partner

My girlfriend and I are always looking at new ways to become more intimate with one another and its not always easy.  Feeling safe with another takes a lot of work and then shedding the closures around our hearts is even scarier. And yet, relationships offer us an avenue to go deeper and share ourselves… So why not just go for it rather than withholding? In order to have a healthy, conscious and juicy relationship, it is crucially important to know how to be vulnerable with your woman. Most men have little to no skills as we haven’t had enlightened male models to teach us. In today’s video, I offer you a practice that will support opening and sharing. Trust me, your partner will be happy and will notice the shift. Who knows what opportunities will open up for you! If she’s happy you will be... read more

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